I Feel For The Kid

Oh no. Apparently, we've had a bit of a misunderstanding.

Let me start by saying, sure. I'm all for keeping a chart, and I'll even let Jordana do the weight for me. Deb is totally not above lying for Steve, I know the woman, she's got the morals of veterinarian with a degree in theater, but sure, put in whatever weight you want.

I have no doubt that Steve weighs less than I do right now, and I have no doubt that he will reach his target goal, and he might even do it faster than I do. Sure. I can totally see that, and the chart will be an interesting trajectory.

NONE OF THAT MATTERS.

See, I proposed to Steve that we set target weights, and, when we reach them, we post a topless picture and let the readers determine who looks more fat.

OH SHIT!

OH SHIT, STEVE!

That's right, Mr. Loose-Skin. You can loose a dumptruck of weight in your usual manner of obsessive starving and light working out. You can take every short-cut known to man, but in the end, you'll take off your shirt, and when you take a picture, instead of "Ch-Chik", the camera's gonna go, "Ewwwww..."

Steve lost a lot of weight his last year in medical school. Hm. Wonder how that happened? Could it be that IT WAS HIS LAST YEAR IN MEDICAL SCHOOL? Oh yeah, and also, HE HAD A BABY!?!?! Any chance that had something to do with his stress levels? But, it doesn't matter. He lost a bunch of weight that year, and when I saw his face I thought, "Boy, Steve looks great. He looks like a bald 19 year old!"

Then he took off his shirt.

Steve is a master at losing as much lean muscle as possible in the shortest amount of time. I've always been a little husky, but I've also been SEXY AS HELL. I'm like Philip Seymour Hoffman, I'm sexy even when I'm fat. That's because I'm solid, baby, like a rock, and the ladies know that.

Steve? Oh man. He loses weight and he just goes from looking like he's wearing a tight sweater to looking like he's wearing a wet sweater. Steve has the exact same amount of fat no matter how much he weighs. This is a guy who would have a lung removed to try to win this bet, but he's totally screwed. It isn't a numbers game.

So, sure. Let's do a CHART. FINE.

I'm just saying, we're gonna have a vote, a vote that Steve won't be able to cheat on. We're gonna have a vote that very simply says, "Who looks FATTER... STEVE? or sean?" and we'll see if your chart can save you.